Scrisoare pentru parinti


By Donna Bryant Goertz, fondatorul scolii “Austin Montessori School” din Austin, Texas.

Sau altfel spus, the Owner’s Manual for a Child. Am gasit-o aici si face parte din filosofia Montessori. Cu care empatitez uneori, desi nu 100%. Randurile astea sunt scrise insa atat de bine, asa cum rar mi-a fost dat sa vad in ultima vreme. Probabil nici nu e o noutate, insa nici nu conteaza asta in acest caz.

Ar trebui citite si rascitite, invatate si intiparite adanc in mintea oricarui parinte. Si repetate din cand in cand, atunci ne simtim coplesiti si avem nevoie de cel putin o confirmare ca ceea ce facem e bine si ca ceea ce ni se intampla este normal.

N-am sa redau mai jos tot textul, e destul de lung, ci doar pasajele care in opinia mea ar trebui sa fie lege pentru orice parinte. Dar va invit sa-l citit pe tot aici.

Dear Parent,

I want to be like you.  I want to be just like you, but I want to become like you in my own way, in my own time, and by my own efforts.  I want to watch you and imitate you.  I do not want to listen to you except for a few words at a time, unless you don’t know I’m listening.  I want to struggle, to make a grand effort with something very difficult, something I cannot master immediately.  I want you to clear the way for my efforts, to give me the materials and supplies that will allow success to follow initial difficulty.  I want you to observe me and see if I need a better tool, an instrument more my size, a taller, safer stepladder, a lower table, a container I can open by myself, a lower shelf, or a clearer demonstration of the process.  I don’t want you to do it for me or rush me or feel sorry for me or praise me.  Just be quiet and show me how to do it slowly, very slowly.

[…]

I want to think like you, behave like you, and hold your values.  I want to do all this through my own efforts by imitating you.  Slow down when speak.  Let your words be few and wise.  

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Slow down your movements.  Perform your tasks in slow motion so I can absorb and imitate them.  If you trust and respect me by preparing my home environment and giving me freedom within it, I will discipline myself and cooperate with you more often and more readily.  The more you discipline yourself, the more I will discipline myself.  The more you obey the laws of my development the, more I will obey you.

[…]

Depending on my personality, I will wage the war more openly or more covertly; I will fight you more aggressively or more passively.  A great deal of my incredible energy, talent, and intelligence will be wasted.  You will probably win in the end, but I will be only a weak version, a poor substitute, a forgery of what I am capable of being, and you will be exhausted.  Please take the pressure off both of us by preparing my home environment so I can do my work of creating a human being and you can stick to your work of bringing one up.  I’ll do what I do best and you do what you do best.

I am capable of being the finest example of your best attributes and values expressed in my very own way.  If you will prepare a home environment carefully and thoroughly for me, keep my materials and tools in order and good repair, set the limits clearly and firmly, give me long slow periods of time to work on my secret plan, I will do the work of developing a new human being, me!  Did I mention that I need materials to be set out in every room of the house?  I need to have materials available for quick and easy access wherever I happen to be in the house and wherever you are.  I need to have the option of working and playing close to you.  Most of the time, I need to use activities close to the shelf where they belong in order to form the habit of putting away.

[…]

I hate to be so demanding, but I need to have all my supplies organized and displayed in complete sets within my reach so I can get them for myself.  If I have to ask you for what I need all the time, I will begin to feel like either a commanding general or a whining invalid.  Stop and think, I could really get into one or the other of those roles.  Neither of us wants that.  I need independence like I need oxygen.  It brings out the best in me.  The time you spend setting up my environment will be time you save by not dealing with my petulant, obstreperous, recalcitrant side.

Television is a big interruption in my development.  Sorry!  I know you don’t want to hear this, I need hands on activities and I need lots of processing time.  TV distracts me from more important activities and fills my head with more than I have time to process.  Read to me every day because reading goes slowly, allowing for processing along the way.  TV packs more in than I know what to do with, so I shut down and either become passive or frenetic.  I know you might think some shows are good for me, and I know you might think you deserve the break TV provides, but we both pay a heavy price for every half-hour I watch.

I can’t resist the TV, but that’s okay because every three-to-six-year-old has a parent, and that’s what parents are for.  TV makes me distracted, irritable, and uncooperative.  The more I watch, the more I want to watch, so it creates issues between us.  If you can’t say no to a daily TV viewing habit for me now, where is my example for developing the strength to say no to other bad habits later?  Besides, the more I watch TV, the less I want to be like you.  Remember, I imitate what I watch.  Oh, yes, nix also to the video and computer games I beg for and all my friends have.  Come on, I know you can do it.

I will usually be so consumed with my work and play that I won’t hear you when you speak to me.  Don’t make it worse by speaking from a distance or repeating yourself.  Just get down on my level within a foot of my face, get my attention, and look into my eyes before you speak.  Then let your words be few, firm, and respectful. 

[…]

If you don’t have the time or energy or, I hate to say it, self discipline to follow through on what you say, just don’t say it.  Idle threats and empty promises make me despise you.  You look foolish, arbitrary, and weak.  I know I act like I want to run the universe myself, but that’s just a show of bravado.  I really need a parent to run my world.  When I can’t depend on you to mean what you say, I can’t trust you.  That causes me to feel deeply insecure and go to extremes.  It’s frightening to me because I love you so much.  I need to respect you and trust you to say what you mean and mean what you say.  You are the most important part of my home environment.

[…]

I know my needs are great and many.  I know I’m asking a lot of you, but you are all I’ve really got.  I love you and I know you love me beyond reason or measure.  If I can’t count on you, who can I count on?  But let’s not kid each other.  It doesn’t have to be perfect.  I’m tough and resilient.  I’ll survive and make the best of it.

Despre autorul scrisorii:

Donna Bryant Goertz, founder of Austin Montessori School in Austin, Texas, acts as a resource to schools around the world.  Donna’s book, Children Who Are Not Yet Peaceful: Preventing Exclusion in the Early Elementary Classroom draws on her thirty years of experience guiding a community of thirty-five six-to-nine year-olds. She received her Montessori elementary diploma from the Fondazione Centro Internazionale Studi Montessoriani in Bergamo, Italy, and her assistants to infancy diploma from The Montessori Institute of Denver, Colorado.

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